Funny how people can be raised in the same household yet have such different stories to tell. If you asked my sister how she was raised or what it was like for her, she will say that I was the one that made her life miserable. Apparently, I tortured her growing up, picked on her relentlessly, and continue to treat her poorly. The way I remember it, my mother was extremely abusive and took the worst out on my sister (the middle child). I fought with my siblings as siblings will do, however, I was always 1st to stand up for my sister. As a result of the abuse that was dished out to my sister, I completely disrespectful and even hated my mother growing up. I fought with my mother, talked back to her, stood up to her, even stopped speaking to her & at one point even refused to allow her to ever see MY daughter again, in an attempt to get her to stop being so abusive and unfair to my sister. My sister rarely knew why I was not speaking to my mother or what our latest fight was about, I never wanted to make things worse for my sister by hurting her even more with the details of the ignorant, stupid things my mother was still doing that had me reacting in this way. So I let my sister think, I was the bad guy for being so mean to our mom. It was just easier that way. Little did I know, my sister would grow up to always protect our mother. That she would be in such denial to all the abuse that, in her eyes she would always present our mother in the purest light. Somone who could never do wrong. Meanwhile I am painted as the monster. I am the one she grew up to hate. I am the one who, everytime she is drunk, she can’t stop badmouthing. Now, my mother and sister have morphed into the exact same human being. They live in the same sick world of “shhhhhh, just don’t talk about it, and we will all pretend it doesn’t exist and never happened”. My mother is a codependent, in a mentally abusive (was physically abusive but age stopped that) relationship with a raging alcoholic, and my sister is the alcoholic who is verbally abusive and angry with everyone around her when she drinks & is also in an unhealthy relationship. They both stay because of low self esteem and they think they can’t do any better. Or maybe they feel they don’t deserve better. Yeah, if they were to ever see this (never happen btw) they would both argue that they “love” their significant others, but really? You LOVE the abuse? You LOVE not being able to trust them? You LOVE being the only one with a job? You LOVE being treated like shit? Yeah, that sounds like love to me. The thing is, if anyone on the outside were to ever ask either of them about their “men”, they will outright lie, to paint a perfect picture, so that anyone looking in will see all rainbows and sunshine rather than the tears & struggles that’s really going on. I write all this about the men in their lives because its amazing to me how much my sister’s life parallels our mothers. The person that abused her & treated her so poorly as a child, is the person she tries to model her life after and I, only 2 yrs older than my sister, & was able to see & realize it was wrong and did my best to stick up for her the only way I knew how, somehow becomes enemy # 1. Somehow all the stories of our childhood revolve around me being the abuser. I made her life miserable….and apparently still do. We have a brother. He is the youngest. 1 year younger than her. I would be curious to know how he views our childhood and if he too thinks I was so abusive and mean. I know for a fact he talks about our childhood fights and rivalries, but not in the way that she does…as “abuse”, but as funny childhood memories. What I’m curious to ask him is if he felt I picked on her. I would hate for that to be true. I know that children follow their parents lead in the treatment of others and I hope I wasn’t this person my sister portrays me as in her memories. I remember always being there for her, taking her side, fighting her battles…..yes, as young adults we totally had a falling out, but I’m talking about our childhood. Its our childhood where our stories differ so drastically.
I know this went on and on far too long. Maybe I’m making to much of this. The thing is, we are 44 & 46 years old now and she still, to this day, gets drunk and bad mouths me to whoever will listen. Even at work, when she is not drunk, she tells stories about how “mean” I am and “poor her” all the time. Its just getting a little old. I suppose I just needed to vent, because even if my brother says to me that I didn’t pick on her the way she says, I will never confront her about it, because that would mean having to tell her my reasons for being mean to my mother when we were younger & I just can’t bring myself to tell her those horrible things. So I guess I will call this my “therapy session” and just move on with my life and hope that one day my mother and sister can get some counseling and heal.